Dear World,

How time flies when you’re having anxiety and fun!

I can’t believe it’s been a year since my world was turned upside down.

Thanks to Facebook for the “on this day “ reminder of a moment that I will never forget about. A week of hell I lived from this day on. Actually, it wasn’t a week it’s been about 9mths of hell and small triggers along the way. It took me 9 months to deal with a situation I never thought I would have to deal with.

I took something for granted, I thought I was invisible, that shit like that would never happen to me. Well, that shit did and it changed my everything. My normal behaviors of being social on social media have never been the same. What you see is not what I’m necessarily doing at that particular time and place.

If you haven’t guessed already I was broken into, not once but on a few occasions by an admirer. It’s something I haven’t openly discussed publically as I wasn’t ready to. I have never felt so invaded in all my life. Not only had someone been in my space but had also stolen my treasured items, some more treasured than others.

I never thought that would happen from me. That an admirer would go to that length for me, little old me, little Kate Bollard from the gong. I’m no Kim Kardashian!

Social Media is a scary world, we allow complete strangers into our life without thinking of the Dark side. We allow people to see where we are at every moment of the day.

I learnt my lesson the hard way. Since then, social media for me has become a delayed journey of my life. I love sharing my life but I have become more private and closed off regarding certain things.

I suffered major anxiety and sleep was not my friend. I struggled with insomnia as I was too anxious to sleep. I felt like a prisoner in my own life. I moved away from people in my life that only caused more stress, I wanted to simplify my life.

The journey to feeling like myself again and feeling safe was not something that happened overnight. Honestly, I still have triggers today. But I’m stronger and know I can look after myself should I need to.

A huge factor in this was from two very special people… Mark and Dom – Hammers Gym

Mark tough me some self-defense so that I had the power to look after myself should I need to. Not only did it give me the confidence to be on my own both publically and privately, it was a great workout and skills I think every female should have.

Hammers Gym has self-defense classes, Ladies I highly recommend you give a class a go. Grab a group of your friends and do it. I believe every female should know what to do when they are in a situation that they need to get out of.  So please check them out, at first I was awkward but by the end, I had the confidence to do it all.

I’m a spiritual person and my home is my everything and I honestly didn’t feel like it was my home anymore. My gorgeous friend Chivy helped me create my pure happy home again by bringing her mum and a monk to my place for a blessing ceremony. The monk blessed my home and me from evil bad spirits. Meet Sam Ol, an amazingly kind Cambodian monk. I’ve never done anything like that before and it was such a beautiful experience. My home felt like home again. It was the beginning of a new chapter. I still have my red string on. And I have felt so grounded in the last 12months then ever before. I guess things really do happen for a reason.

There have been a lot of questions about where I have vanished to and the simple answer is… I’m just living. I decided to change my whole life. Removed friendships that were toxic, started looking after myself instead of others, Working to a new goal and life and most importantly doing projects and things because I want to not because someone else wants me to. I literally started living, meet the new KB, she’s pretty cool, she’s like the old one but more direct and has no filter for bull shit. Don’t get me wrong I feel blessed to have lived the life I have so far, I’ve done things I never thought I would have. Meet amazing souls I thought I could only dream of. And all that has helped build the person I am today. I know random facts about random things.

Have you ever heard of a reason, a season and a lifetime? My Frankie sent it to me when my heart was broken a few years ago. There is a very famous poem by an anonymous writer who explains that different people come into our lives to serve different purposes. I guess what I’m trying to say, things happen for different reasons, and people in your life help you also for a different reason. We are constantly growing and becoming our true self. I think the poem is the best way to describe life.

Yes, what happened a year ago was horrific and changed me. But I honestly think in a weird way I needed it to happen. I needed to be shaken to the core. To work out what I want for the rest of my life, Who I really am. If I’m not true to you, I’m not true to myself.

I want people to read this and walk away knowing the effects of social media can happen to anyone. You don’t have to be famous to have the dark side of social media hit you.

I was lucky, I thank god daily as it could have been a different story I tell. Please look after yourself. It doesn’t matter about the likes or the followers. Your safety and health are the most important.

Thank you to Mark and Dom and the gorgeous Chivy for helping me recover. Massive thank you to my family and friends for the support and my pal Caleb for the straight-shooting chats, advice on getting help and telling me I’m being crazy and paranoid. What friends are for!

KB xx